Death. It feels so final. It’s the one moment that most people don’t want to think about or consider how it will happen. However, the fact is, it’s inevitable.
I lost a very special person to me tonight—my grandfather. I never met my Dad’s parents, so my Mom’s parents were very special to me. As I have been reflecting on what happened this morning with his passing, I have so many amazing memories of my grandfather that are flooding my mind. Memories of how he would call me “mop head” because of my long, curly hair; how he would pull me aside when he visited and would tell me how much he prayed for me; his hugs were so tight (and really hurt sometimes :); how he encouraged me to follow God fully with my heart, how he ruthlessly played “Amtrak” with us at every Christmas, and so much more. I am overwhelmed with grief knowing that when we go back to the State’s, I won’t be able to experience any of that. He won’t be there in person.
The funny thing about moving abroad is how much I have realized this life is so temporary. I didn't realize that would be one of the things I would learn, but it has cemented itself in my mind in a way I never thought it would. Living in another country has forced me to forget who I was and become a new person, adopting new cultural principles and traditions. I am the same person—I haven’t changed that much—but a big part of me has realized that when I go back to the State’s, it probably won’t feel much like home anymore. I’m afraid that nowhere will feel like home anymore.
This life is temporary. This isn't my home. The Bible speaks much of this. In the blink of an eye, it’s over. We have such a short time to live and to do something with our lives. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to waste my life. If this place is temporary, I want to live it to the fullest every minute. I don’t want to settle for “good” things, when I could have the “best”! My Paw Paw was a good man. I really believe that He served others with a compassionate heart. He saw good in other people and wanted to pull it out. I think he modeled for me in many ways living life to the fullest. For that, I'm so thankful that I got to be apart of his life.
As a follower of Jesus, I truly believe that my Paw Paw is in heaven right now and for that I’m so grateful. After shedding many tears, I felt such a peace within me that I didn't think was possible. Knowing this world is temporary—this is just another natural stage of our life. It still hurts, but I know and am so happy that He is now in the Kingdom of God, in a place where there are no tears, no pain, no death and no sorrow.
If you would, please pray for my family—my Paw Paw was a rock in our family. Everyone is taking this pretty hard.
Paw Paw—Even though I can’t be there at the funeral, know I’m singing “Amazing Grace” from afar. I love you. I will miss you. I can’t wait to see you again.